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[abstractart]

USERNAME: unsafety netzach library of ruina TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO • ACTION • OVERFLOW

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[justscribing]

You were saying he's holding himself back. Yesod seems like the kind of person to prefer to mitigate risks wherever possible. As such, if you want him to loosen up with you, you might consider being risky in ways that aren't a threat to your life.

[abstractart]

[well. please hold.

okay. anyway.]

well

we've tried a couple things, definitely

but maybe not in a risky way necessarily

[justscribing]

Perhaps risky isn't the best word. I was thinking about a very unrestrained expression of your feelings.

[abstractart]

i've been encouraging it from him, for sure, that's been going pretty well

i thought i was equally enthusiastic though? so i'm not sure how much this would actually help

[justscribing]

Your usual disposition is extremely subdued. This isn't a bad thing. I appreciate your ability to maintain calm despite the situation. But since Yesod is also reserved, is it possible there's a struggle of momentum? How much more enthusiastic do you want things to be?

[abstractart]

not sure you actually want me to answer that, man

but i also wouldn't say he's very reserved in bed

[justscribing]

You don't have to give me specifics.

If you feel things are suitably enthusiastic in bed, what about other areas of your relationship? He's holding back with you in some way, and you're occupied with it, but where is it manifesting?

[abstractart]

he holds back when it comes to how he feels about me

probably because of what the situation is like as a whole

i've kept trying to encourage him to just act on how he feels, and i don't know if it's actually been working or not. i'd like to think he gets it.

did you try any of those weird masks, before

[justscribing]

Kaveh and I did swap masks for a time. I take it you and Yesod did as well?

[abstractart]

we did, yeah.

so i know he's restraining himself, and that it aches to do

i told him i don't want him to be left feeling that way

[justscribing]

Based on what you felt do you think he loves you the same or more intensely as you love him?

[abstractart]

i don't think you can compare love like that.

[justscribing]

Then it isn't a concern for you the possibility of mismatched feelings? You've probably never wondered before about your feelings being too strong for the recipient to accept.

[abstractart]

not really, no, but this is also the first time the recipients have actually known about it

i'm used to it being mismatched. i know it's like that with me and kaveh. i don't think it's that way between me and yesod.

[justscribing]

That's not quite what I mean. When you confessed to Kaveh, were you concerned that he would be put off by them?

I'll use Kaveh and I as an example again. Part of the reason I didn't tell Kaveh for so long even after we began talking again is because I was certain that if Kaveh knew the extent of what I feel for him, he would be driven off.

Things between us are complicated for different reasons, but I can understand why someone less secure would similarly restrain themselves because they fear the consequences of being too forward or intense.

It comes back to trust. If there's nothing in regards to your physical intimacy that needs changing, then best to start with that choice we were talking about before.

[abstractart]

i didn't think about him being put off at all. i just wanted him to know how much i cared about him. if he had been, i would have been okay with that.

i'll try it. i keep reminding him i like the intensity of his feelings, it just might not be enough on its own

[justscribing]

Unfortunately, sometimes words themselves aren't enough to be understood, especially for someone who is too into their head about their own feelings.

[Kaveh.]

But Yesod is a reasonable man, so I'm sure you two will figure things out.

Surprise 2/2

[justscribing]

By the way, did Midnight say anything recently that suggested he thought he was in a relationship with Kaveh?

[abstractart]

why would you think so

[justscribing]

There just seems to be some confusion that neither I nor Kaveh can identify the source of.

[You're fucking welcome for not getting thrown under the bus, Yesod.]

[abstractart]

[WELL. the thing is. iirc at this point he has at least SOME vague awareness those two don't get along...]

nah, he's never said anything like that to me.

[justscribing]

[What tipped it off, the blatant ignoring him while they were carting Netzach home after being stabbed?]

Alright. I assumed you would know if anyone, so it must have been something else.

[abstractart]

can't help you with this one, man, sorry

[the effort he is putting into not throwing midnight under the bus but not lying...]

[justscribing]

No, this is actually very helpful. My concern was that Midnight was the one with a misunderstanding, which would be a hassle to clear up. I find it hard to believe he wouldn't be clear with you as his partner if he was with anyone else, so presumably this is just some rumor.

[abstractart]

[about that.]

i mean, i don't think i'm the only one he's been sleeping with or anything, but i also don't ask