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[he lets himself be pulled in-- it's easier and easier, to just allow it.

and while midnight talks, his thoughts spin; it's unfair, he thinks, that for once he sort of wishes he had clearer memories of that first life of his. more detailed knowledge of the things giovanni knew. he used to be a researcher, he used to help study the cure they wanted to create, he used to know how to at least try to do something about this.

(wishful thinking. they don't have the type of facility that'd be necessary here anyway.)]

...'kay.

[is what he manages to mutter, eventually.]

I won't get exposed to it. So don't run off on your own or something, alright? Maybe that's safer, but... nobody should die that way.

[ Midnight closes his eyes, continues rubbing Netzach's back, then pulls him closer, tucks him under his chin. Where Midnight's from, several hundred people die of Oripathy every day. One day, he'll be one of them. That's all. ]

I'll do whatever I can to protect others while I still can. All that I ask is that you don't let my efforts go to waste.

[ ... After a moment, he laughs softly. ]

In the meantime, I wouldn't worry so much. I don't plan on dying anytime soon. I'm very cool and handsome, you know. Much too impressive to go down without a fight.

-yeah. I guess that's true.

[it's faintly amused, muffled against him as netzach settles right in. he's warm; he feels like he doesn't even need a blanket, like this.]

As long as you take care of yourself enough to put up a fight, man.

Mm. Well, I do train every day... I reckon that has to help the odds somewhat.

[ Did... he... forget the entire eating problem argument that started this whole mess in the first place? Yes. Yes, he really is that stupid. ]

Probably, sure, but more than just that...

[midnight. buddy. netzach leans back just enough to look at him.]

You said you don't have that many options for what you need, right?

What I need...?

[ ... Not a single thought in his head. Like, he's in bed cuddling with someone very cute, that's Maslow's entire hierarchy of needs, just the whole pyramid.

He needs a moment to rub his brain cells together. Fortunately (?), he talks about his needs so infrequently that he zeroes in on the culprit after a particularly long, thoughtful stare. ]

Oh! The blood. Sorry, you're so cute, I just forgot.

Huh-?

[he can't keep just SAYING things like this. he's going to kill him. moving on. help.]

I- yeah. I meant the blood.

...I'm gonna be here more often anyway. You know I'd help you with it.

Oh, love...

[ Midnight sighs, rests his hand on Netzach's head again. ]

Kaveh will flay me, you know. Never mind my door; he'll find a way to renovate my head clean off without bringing me permanent harm. Outside of that, though... It's not something I want you to feel obligated to do. My wellbeing is my responsibility. I don't want to put you in a position to worry about my meals when I can't promise you a smooth process.

If Kaveh has a problem with it, then that's up to me to deal with. I'm offering. I told you-- I don't do things that I don't wanna do anymore.

[he's in a position to make these decisions for himself, and what he wants is for midnight to be okay.]

Doesn't bother me if it isn't a smooth process or anything.

[ Midnight looks at Netzach, eyes lowered in thought. Thinking, right? Weird. (Netzach probably has picked up by now that he spends a lot of time out, and when he gets back, he's pretty happy to just listen to Netzach until he drops off. People tend to distract him from his thoughts. Midnight likes people.) ]

I don't want anything to be difficult for you, especially on my account. [ But he takes in a breath, lets it out in a sigh. ] Will you worry less for me if you do this?

...yeah. Yeah, I would.

[it's something that he can do. a way that he can help.]

I'd at least know I did what I could for you.

You already do so much, darling. Just by being around.

[ Midnght looks Netzach in the eye and says this completely without irony, without laughing, without even smiling. The kind of sincerity that might be easy to mistake for a lie, if only because he seems like the type of person to say these sorts of things for the drama of it. ]

I want you to know that you can always say no. That I'll always have other plans.

[ Midnight breathes out. Oh, it is bothersome to grow up. ]

I've learned. I have. I shouldn't like to let it get to this point again. Not when you're being so generous.

Midnight...

[it might be a little hard to read that tone. soft, as always, but equally serious in response to that sincerity.

after a second, he reaches up to gently tug at a lock of his hair.]

What I'm saying is, I care about how you're doing, so just let me help.

[what he's saying is: i care about you, but that feels-- almost too direct.]

[ One may assume that Netzach's said something wrong, what with the way Midnight freezes, eyes going a bit round and hand going perfectly still. He needs a second to look at his hand, then look at Netzach, with his hair loose and that careless honesty, to realize that he's reacted like he has something to be afraid of.

Which is patently ridiculous, of course. Midnight lowers his eyes for a moment, breathes until the sick, tight feeling of being watched goes away, until it's just the fact: he's being cared for, and that's fine. He knows that. He knows there's nothing wrong with being cared for. That the nervousness...

Well. He's had a long life filled with people. Netzach's had a longer life with no one. It's best to try not to give off the wrong signals.

So what he does is reach up, take Netzach's hand, and sandwich it between his own, fingers lacing comfortably where they fall. He breathes for another moment. ]

Thank you. [ ... ] I am making this a bit difficult, aren't I?

I'm used to difficult. You've met my coworkers here-- hell, you've met me.

[he can be difficult to deal with in his own way; he's aware enough of that.

that reaction doesn't go unnoticed, though, with the way he freezes, the look on his face. netzach lets his hand be taken, lets midnight hold it and laces their fingers together easily, but he still asks:]

...you good? I can still let you have some space, if you need me to.

[just in case.]

[ Several, several answers fall through his head. Actually, yes, I think I need some time alone. No, silly, why would I kick someone so cute and sweet out of my bed? Stay here and keep your eyes shut; I can't bear to be seen right now, but I don't want you to go.

He shuts his head and shakes his head firmly, both in answer to Netzach's question and to dispel that train of thought, which he knows will simply get more paradoxical and pathetic. No more. Not while Netzach's here. ]

I think... I want you here. [ ... Midnight laughs, somewhat resigned. ] I know for certain, after all of that, I won't be able to sleep. Could use a bit of a chat.

[ There. Much better than asking for help. It's a suggestion for an equally beneficial activity, which definitely doesn't count as the same thing. Certainly. ]

...'kay. I'll stay, then.

[in a way, the phrasing makes it easier to believe he's honest. if he said it with no hesitation, no i think, he could still question whether he's just saying things.

he's not exactly about to pass out himself, but he still yawns quietly when he stretches out, catlike, and tucks himself back into place. netzach can't see his face from here, but that's okay.]

About anything specific, or you just want to pick something?

[ Netzach's biiiig stretch does not go unnoticed, and Midnight is struck by the urge to be — well, what is this word? It's cute aggression, certainly, but the type vampires usually have to keep in check, seeing as how he doesn't actually want to bite Netzach's head off. So this silence is more thinking, certainly, but it's also a reminder not to do anything crazy, just absolutely deranged, like take Netzach and find a cave, dark and very deep down, and store him there and never allow a chance for any other vampires to even look at him—

Predator instincts are a trip, man! ]

If I may ask... are you some sort of plant? Vegetation of some kind?

[ ... Well, Midnight's been meaning to ask about the nature of his tea transformation for a while, and this seems like the silliest and the least intrusive way to go about it. Gentle. And Midnight has been wondering about it... ]

[he lets that silence pass comfortably, blissfully unaware of the Moment midnight is having as he gets all settled-- and at first, he answers that question with an amused little hum.]

Maybe I'm kinda like one... just in the sense that I like laying around in the sun, though. I'm not a plant.

[at least he's explained part of this already, so that makes this easier.]

You know how I said I was a machine, for a while? The facility we worked in... it was energy production, but we were extracting energy from what we called abnormalities. Beings that were extracted from humans to begin with. So the whole facility was sort of... we had suppressive measures in place, but the kind of work we were doing and the way energy was extracted made things unstable. We'd have other abnormalities just manifest in the halls, sometimes, ones we didn't create.

... I know that all sounds unrelated, but it's... background for how that happened. The facility was its own kind of experiment. It was designed to break us. And when it eventually did, and we melted down, it... manifested like that. Changed us, and made something a little more organic out of our forms.

[it wasn't a reflection of his physical self, of him being some kind of plant. it was a manifestation of his emotions at his lowest, something that grew and burst forth from that shell, taking over.]

We went back to our usual shapes after the manager dealt with it. Or at least what our usual shapes were at the time.

[ Midnight continues to hold onto Netzach's hand as he talks, squeezing it gently as the story goes on. Years and years of disaster and death for a half-realized dream to be stolen from under him. He's lived a rather mundane life in comparison. Most do. He wonders what it's like to be so isolated in one's experiences... Midnight's been through the mill, but he's hardly the first murderer in history. The first runaway, the first callboy. This is something that, in all the annals of history, very few people can claim to have gone through at all. ]

This was back when you believed you were an AI, correct? Before the library. [ So the usual shape had to be something different... ]

[they had each other afterward, at least. there's a lot to be said for bonding through shared trauma.]

Yeah. We weren't... it's technically illegal for AIs to look like humans, so we were pretty different. I can probably draw it later.

[when he's not busy being Comfy, he will show midnight what the netzach box era looked like...]

[ Midnight hums in approval, then shifts closer. Call him crazy, but this is one of those conversations where it's nice to know other people are around. ]

I'd like that. You should draw whatever you want, though. Don't feel obligated to dig up the past for the sake of my curiosity, darling.

...I don't mind being able to talk about it. The other librarians-- they've been the only ones, for a while now.

[so the fact it's safe to share with midnight... that means something, to him.

but speaking of the other librarians:]

The stuff I said about Angela, though... don't blame too much on her. I was still-- kind of out of it. I haven't forgiven her for it, or for her making us kill visitors in the Library, but she never had any more of a choice than we did. She wasn't part of the original research to have any personal investment in it. What she did in the end...

She just wanted to live her own life. That place was all she knew.

[so it's... it's complicated. he understands her desires; it's just that they came at such a personal cost.

this is also going to be reversed soon but For Now he feels like he's been unfair to angela,]

[ Midnight hums. ]

Well... I won't, but I wouldn't have, anyway. Goes for you as well, and most people. I'm in the habit of seeing people as they are in the moment, not whatever they were in the past. Not even if the past was just a moment ago. What she needed to do to live, what you needed to do to get by. I can't say it does anything other than make me think that you're both quite human.

[ It's a part of being an escort. He hasn't judged anyone for these things in a long, long time. ]

So tell me about these sorts of things, all right? Whenever you need to. Even it feels like you're being difficult, or if it feels as though you can't justify why you did what you did. You're not there anymore. You're here with me.

[she is human now, isn't she...? he doesn't know the details yet, but-- surely it's a good thing. it's what she wanted.]

I will.

[you're here with me- there's something unexpectedly reassuring about it.

what he says brings other questions to mind, though, and while he isn't sure at first if he should ask...]

Hey, so... how do you see me, in the moment?

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